Choosing Relationship

Choose Relationship. 

That was the phrase I woke up with this morning, and with it a picture and a perspective to ponder...

We need truths. We do. They anchor us in life, like the North Star, like Mt. Shasta above the surrounding mountains, like the sun ever rising in its strength. But truth is tricksy, for while it is immovable-- a pivot, the axis on which life revolves--it is comprehended by beings who at best will only grasp a portion of its entirety--the individual portion we see and understand.

Truth is also a bit like a rock on which the waves crash. They rush upon it, kiss it, embrace it--but ultimately break and run off, and the rock is left alone. Relationships with people are like the ocean that swirls; connected, cohesive, filling everything. It teems with life, it sustains life and is a thing of beauty and wonder. While I agree that a rock can be beautiful too, it has no life in it nor can it sustain life within its makeup. Yet a rock encompassed by, washed with, and adorned by the acean illustrates the lovely interplay between truth and relationships.

I'm also pondering the difference between believing truth and being right, and the sad fact that if we choose being right (defending truth as we see it) over relationship with someone who may not be seeing truth from our perspective, it will erode our connection. And if we consistently choose our definition of right over our our relational connection with another person, we will destroy the bridge that links them to us.

Being right is not the same thing as embracing truth, and needing to be right results in choosing truth as we see it over a person we may love but with whom we disagree. When we do this, the truth becomes a shell, a structure devoid of the life that it might have held and even if our "right" thing is an important truth, we lose any chance of it healing, helping, or enriching people when we defend our truth as if it is more valuable than they are.

And one last analogy: Truth is a banqueting table loaded with food. Needing to be right--defending our truth at the cost of relationship--is like placing the table within sight, but barring all entrance to partaking. Ah, but if we can share that truth in a way that values the other person and preserves the relationship, we put silverware in their hand and make room for them to dine!

I'm not advocating that we abandon truth or partner with error in order to get along, but rather that relationship with people remains priority so that our presentation of the truth is done with connection in mind. The alternative--interacting with our perceptions of truth--fine-tuning them, rehearsing them, finding comfort in them by reiterating them to ourselves and to anyone we haven't already alienated by elevating being right over relationship is a very sad and lonely way to live.

Choosing relationship is a thing of beauty and a joy forever :-)