Every day in our life's journey holds its own special treasures, if we have eyes to see...

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Cogitations on a State of Wimpiness

Rosie waits for feed
A cold, foggy drizzle wrapped the Missouri hills in gray earlier this week, at least in my neck of the woods. The land may be thankful for a good drink, but in me the chilly rain set off a whole different reaction. So I let Journey out with Honor, gave our milk cow (Rosie) and pony (Ginger) their feed, and hurried my muddy boots back to the house, all the while consoling myself that I had too much to do  to spend time working with a horse. But the truth of the matter is that I was feeling definitely wimpy.

What? Leaving so soon?
When did I become such a comfort lover, I asked myself? I suppose it crept upon me as slowly and inexorably as have the passing years, and now I find  myself at a place where mere weather can suck courage and vision out of my heart, reducing me to a house-dwelling, woodstove-hugging shadow of my usual self.
This is not okay with me. For one thing, horses need consistency. If I let rain, cold, or wind keep me from working with Honor on a regular basis, I may never reach the point where we ride off into the sunset together.

But what really scares me is that I would give up so easily on a dream. It's not like becoming a long distance rider is my ultimate goal. I have other things I care about more. It's the fact that what should be no contest is a very real issue. One rainy morning and I'm inches away from breaking open my stash of corn candy, picking up a book, and hibernating until spring.

Seriously? It's not even winter yet!

The sweeter the dream, the higher the price we must pay to attain it. If in the face of pain, fear, or weariness, I let comfort be my guide, will I have what it takes to fight for the things that really matter to me?  I may be more than half-way through my earthly journey, but this I do know: I don't want to slow down now. If anything, I want to take the experiences I've accrued so far and apply them in such a way as to enable me to run faster. Harder. Wiser. More passionately. With joy.

I write this in a warm and quiet room with a cup of coffee at hand. I have yet to encounter any disturbances in my day. Comfortable and safe, I ponder these things, and I pray for strength. For resolve. And for a pair of insultated coveralls in which I can meet the next chilly morning :-)


  1. I hear you. In spite of my passionate love of literature and criticism and how filled I am when I'm engaged in studying and writing about these subjects, I realized last week that it has probably been two months since I've picked up and buried myself in a book of substance. The TV, Netflix, blogworld, and many other (not strenuous) things call to me. Not to mention less-than-glorious fantasy which requires nothing but mindlessness from me.

    Such a fine line to walk, isn't it, between losing peace by constant striving and losing the important satisfaction of pursuing our innermost passions?

    I think you're doing wonderfully by the way! And loved the pictures in this post! My corn candy leaf is empty...

  2. My good friend. What wonderful, inspiring words. How easy it is for us to forget as the years pass by, what it really means to be alive. How each day we are given can be seen as an adventure, waiting to unfold before us. To hide away from it is to squander a precious gift. I must remind myself that a day at 54 holds as much promise as a day at 24. To dream big, to let God do His wonderful work in us is to be completely alive, and is the highway to joy and success. Thanks for sharing.